HOW TO DO IT
Tom Mazanec


Dear Howard:
   I have had a most interesting day, as I'm sure you can imagine.
I was off work yesterday, thank God. I woke up feeling like syrup was
being poured all over me. I simply lay in bed for awhile, while the
syrup continued to pour. Finally I got worried that something was
seriously wrong and got up to call a doctor. That's when I caught
a glimpse of myself in the mirror. I found myself staring at the
reflection of an anthropomorphic coati. Of course, 
I did not go to the doctor...I did not go anywhere. 
I kept hoping that I would wake up. I didn't feel like 
eating breakfast, and had a late lunch of fruit and cereal.
   About 6 PM the doorbell rang and my neighbor Ralph 
(you remember him) was at the door. At least he said he was Ralph. 
Since what he was was a giant bipedal armadillo, 
I had to have a little faith in this. Of course,
I did not look like myself, either. He asked if I had discovered any
"powers" like so many other people have. I did not know what he was
talking about, I was so relieved that I could open the door to him...
if he had looked normal through the peephole, I would probably 
still be in my bedroom cringing. Apparently the whole country, 
probably the whole world, had turned into cartoons.
   I asked what he meant by "powers" and he just disappeared. 
"Look very carefully." I heard him say. Then I could see his outline. 
"You wouldn't believe what the guys at work can do." Naturally, 
I asked how to do it myself.
   "For most of us, it's kinda like pushing through a wall. Try it." 
But I couldn't turn invisible, or shoot laser beams from my eyes, 
or any of the other things Ralph described. "A few people didn't 
seem to be able to do things." Ralph said, shrugging as well as 
he could with a shell over his body. "Maybe you're just unlucky." 
   Heck, I couldn't even turn more or less human/animal, 
like Ralph and almost everyone else he had met could. Finally, 
in frustration, I said "What do you mean, pushing through a wall?
You *can't* push through a wall! Here, look!" And I rammed my hands
(paws?) against a wall to demonstrate. And through the wall. 
Followed by the rest of me!
   Anyway, that's how I found out how to do it...
phasing or desolidifying or whatever you call it. 
It took me longer to figure out how to wiggle my nose and tail...
heck, I don't know if I'll ever get used to how sneezing feels now.
I guess we'll be telling our grandkids about Change Day.
   So how was your day? 
                                                      Sincerely,
                                                       Justin 

DRIZZLE DRAZZLE DRUZZLE DROME
TIME FOR THIS ONE TO COME HOME